These Advice from My Parent That Saved Us during my time as a New Parent

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a wider inability to open up amongst men, who still absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a break - taking a couple of days away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."